The Unearthing of Blackstone Page 16

~***~

  “No, you’re not in the twilight zone.” The doctor grinned. “The office is actually closed.” Dr. Rose set down a purple cup containing half-eaten noodles. A thin white spoon stuck out the side as a slither of vapor rose from the container.

  Ace leaned back in the comfortably worn seat and smirked. “Is that your dinner? I can treat you to dinner if I’m taking you away from it.”

  The doctor shrugged. “No worries. This is not customary for me to do, but I understand you sounded rather upset. You don’t appear the excitable sort, so, I figured I could make an exception. Now, what is troubling you, Mr. Blackstone?”

  Ace sighed and felt his anxiety piling up like stinking, forgotten trash. He bit the inside of his jaw, almost drawing blood, and looked off into the distance, staring blankly at the wall.

  “Mr. Blackstone?”

  “Uh, yes, sorry.” He grinned nervously. “I lied to a client.” He whisked away a piece of dust on the doctor’s desk with a flick of his hand.

  “I see. Would you like to expound on that?”

  “I don’t know…” Ace hesitated. “Of course it has to do with the date…I doubt you’re surprised. Anyway, I had another nightmare, too.”

  “Was it before or after you lied to the client?”

  “Both. It cupped me,” he brought his hands together, “like bookends. I had one right before the date, and then again later, when I got home. Also, I had another one this morning.”

  Dr. Rose nodded.

  “They seem to be getting more frequent, correct?”

  “Not really, but they are more intense. Sometimes I’ll go a week or two without having the dream, and then it will come back for like a month, almost every night. Oh,” he smiled as he changed gears, “I like the woman I went out with — the client’s daughter.”

  “Well, I believe you expected to like her.”

  “Yeah, I know. I realized something about myself, something I should tell you.”

  “And what’s that?”

  “I’m angry at my parents for some shit they had no control over. I’m a fucking mess…sorry for cursing so much.”

  Dr. Rose nodded, crossed his legs and clasped his hands over his knee.

  “Mr. Blackstone, what do you plan to do to help your situation?”

  Ace huffed. “I don’t know.”

  “At the beginning, you stated you’d lied to a client. In a prior discussion, you had stated you had never lied to a client before. You’ve had another nightmare, actually, a series of nightmares in short succession. You like the woman you went out on a date with, even though you are being deceitful and it is a conflict of interest and you are angry at your parents. That is a lot to sort through, especially all at once. Perhaps, you can take one at a time, or maybe, once you resolve one, the others will be more easily addressed. Could it be that you are trying to sort one issue by creating another? If so, that would be rather counterproductive.”

  Ace rubbed his eye. “Yeah, that would be counterproductive, as you say, but I don’t consider this necessarily a mess. Wait, I just said that I was…I don’t know… But what I do know, is that I’m doing something I wouldn’t normally do. I’m being honest with myself about my feelings, though the motivation isn’t completely clear. I feel like all of this is related.”

  “Regarding your last statement, yes. I tend to agree. This is symptomatic, Mr. Blackstone, of you trying to figure yourself out. You hadn’t taken the time to do so previously, at least not to this extent.”

  “For the first time in years, I had a pleasant dream, too. Not just black space…” He raised his hands in the air as if touching the nomadic clouds he envied. “Not the damn nightmares, I had a good dream. It was right after the last nightmare… about that woman…”

  “What is it about her that makes you believe you actually like her? Have you explored that?”

  “Yeah.” He smiled sadly and looked down into his lap. “She’s different. She is like me, but not like me, if that makes any sense.” He scratched behind his ear, then stared off into space. “I know things about her that she doesn’t know that I know, and it’s uncomfortable for me, although it helps me understand her. I feel like…I feel like I actually understand someone for a change. Not just the observations, and being able to predict their behavior and responses. For me, that comes easy. Comprehension is totally different. Women are hard to comprehend at times.” He chuckled lightly.

  “Do you feel good about the commonalities you believe you have with her?”

  “I do, in some ways. I feel like, I don’t know, like maybe we can even help each other out, teach one another. She’s smart, real smart…and I had a sense of peace with her, as though she balances me out.” He brought out his hands, palm up, and moved them like scales. “Our first date — it seemed like I’d known her for years. I had the crazy feeling I could even be straight up with her and say, ‘Hey, your dad hired me, but, I felt like I should get to know you first because something with him didn’t sit right with me. I didn’t want to hand you over to the wolves…” He paused as he thought of his Little Red Riding Hood analogy he’d thought of earlier in the day. “I wanted to see what the deal was myself. I wanted to tell her all of that, Dr. Rose, and I was this close,” he held up his fingers, as if pinching a tiny insect, “to telling her the truth.”

  “So, why didn’t you?”

  “She would’ve run. I would’ve lost her and if for some reason I discovered that nothing fishy was going on, that she really did need to be found, then I would have basically shot a client in the foot and essentially ruined his life. Let’s not forget about the lawsuit that would soon follow.”

  “Yes, those are all possible consequences but are you sure there isn’t more to it, Mr. Blackstone?”

  “Nah, not really. What are you driving at?” Ace raised a brow in confusion.

  “I’m driving at nothing…just trying to get you to explore all of the possibilities. You came in here nervous, upset. And you sit here, as if nothing is wrong now. Why the change in mood?”

  “I’ve calmed down a bit since I had called you…almost cancelled, felt a bit better.”

  “I think you just wear your feelings differently.”

  “What the hell is the use in crying?” He huffed. “Tears don’t bring people back. Acting like a wuss doesn’t change anything. Then you just become a pussy with the same damn difficulties you had earlier, only you’re weaker. I’ve seen millionaires come into my office, the whole damn world is their oyster, and they’ve lost their shit, their minds, over a damn woman.” Ace smirked. “They hire me, hoping I come back and tell them she is faithful as fuck, when they know deep down that the lady, many times at least twenty years their junior, is screwing the proverbial pool boy. They knew when they met the whore she was a whore, but they tried to make her something else, because they wanted some young ass!

  “The rich older females aren’t any better, just swop out the sexes. She gets ahold of some guy that is fucking her brains out, a young, good lookin’ guy, right? She’s a cougar, and there isn’t anything wrong with cougars, I’ve had a few that had a good head on their shoulders and understood how the game worked, but I digress —the guy works at some nine dollar an hour job, and then acts broken hearted to find out he’s got a kid on the way with his ex-girlfriend and another woman he met at the vacation to Hawaii that she paid for. They cry in my damn arms. It’s pathetic, man. I mean, I got sympathy for ’em, don’t get me wrong, but it’s like, Jeez Louise, woman! Couldn’t you see the damn writing on the wall?!” He’d gone off on a tangent, and Dr. Rose allowed it, so he continued his rant.

  “…Falling apart doesn’t help me,” he said calmly as he pointed to himself. “What? Am I supposed to feel sorry for myself because I got left on some church steps? I should be grateful that anyone wanted me at all.”

  “Is that how you really feel, Ace?”

  “Yeah, that’s how I really feel.” His heart beat a bit faster.

  “Then why did you st
rike out against your parents?”

  “I don’t know…”

  “You do know.” Dr. Rose leaned over and picked up his noodles, taking a delicate bite. Ace watched him lift the thin, creamy strand away from the broth.

  “No I don’t… It was wrong, but I don’t know why I did that to them.”

  “I think you do know, but because of your difficulty with wrestling the emotions within yourself, you are incapable of getting to the heart of the matter. You don’t like to feel anything, Mr. Blackstone. You’ve discovered a way to survive the harsh, cruel world. The only problem is, your choice of a survival mechanism has a backlash. It keeps bad people out but good people away.”

  “It’s called coping and thus far, for me, the pros outweigh the cons.”

  “Obviously not anymore, or you wouldn’t be here.”

  “I suppose you have a point…” Ace leaned back in the chair and closed his eyes, needing a breather.

  “You want love, Mr. Blackstone, but push it away. You push away anyone who shows you genuine love and concern. Your mind,” the doctor placed the mug down and tapped his temple, “tells you that it is wrong, but you are compulsive. It is a tape inside of your heart that tells you when you love someone, they leave, so get rid of them before they get rid of you. May I speak frankly with you, Mr. Blackstone?”

  “You already are. Why stop now?” Ace smirked.

  “You are afraid of no one. That scares me for you. You have no fear whatsoever.”

  “Funny.” He grinned. “That’s what my mother used to tell me. She said, if there was something stupid and dangerous to do, I’d be the first in line.”

  Dr. Rose smiled.

  “But, I think I found the one thing you are afraid of.”

  “What? Love. If that’s what you’re thinking, it isn’t true. I’ve seen what it can do and what it can’t. Usually it’s just an illusion, but I’m not afraid of it.”

  “I believe you, but that’s not what I was going to say.”

  “Well then, tell me what my boogey man is, Dr. Rose?”

  “Yourself…”

  Tongue-tied, Ace slumped and looked between his knees, feeling some sorta way. The truth walked in the room, smacked him across the face and fucked him like a long lost, lustful lover.

  “You are afraid of yourself because you don’t know who you are and now you don’t know what you’re capable of. You thought you understood yourself and your complexities. Now you realize that you don’t, and never have. It is a wake-up call. You don’t know who you are genetically, you don’t know who you are as it pertains to how people perceive you when it comes to emotionally driven matters — and you didn’t care to know until fairly recently. Tell me, have you ever had a successful romantic relationship, Mr. Blackstone?”

  “It depends on what you mean by successful.” He dug nervously in his jacket pocket. “…And I really need a cigarette right now.”

  “Please don’t smoke in my office, Mr. Blackstone.” Dr. Rose leaned back in his seat, looking a bit perplexed.

  “I had no intentions of lighting up a cigarette in your office, Dr. Rose. I’m just letting you know I’m getting a little pissed is all. Would you rather I not tell you?”

  “Why are you angry? You told me I could be frank with you?”

  “You’re talking in that little Mr. Rodgers voice and sitting there all smug ’nd shit.” Ace’s heart raced as he grit his teeth, seething from the depths of his core. He hated himself. He wanted to reach across the desk and punch the shit out of the man. This sort of rage had landed him in the boarding school, rearing its ugly head. “This is bullshit. You know what you’re doing. I came to you because I acknowledge that I’m fucked up.” Ace squirmed on his seat as he barreled out of control, yet he couldn’t simmer down. The man had pushed a hot button, which ignited something deep within.

  “Yes, I do know what I’m doing.” The man clasped his hands and paused, looking Ace up and down with a discriminating eye. “I’m doing what you hired me to do. Finding oneself is never easy, Mr. Blackstone. It’s a lot of hard work. You’re not fucked up, by the way. You’re lost. There’s a difference…”

  ~***~

  “Oh my God!” Brooklyn’s back arched as another orgasmic wave flew through her. She pressed into her pillow as she stared up at her ceiling, her gown tightly wound around her waist as if she’d been caught in a fabric tornado. Her legs quaked until she relaxed, and the powerful climax finally released her. “Oh…my…God,” she repeated breathlessly as she sat up, her legs wide open under the sheets. Spent, she ran the back of her hand over her forehead and sighed, her eyes closed as her chest continued to rise and fall.

  She’d had a wet dream…about him…and he was giving it to her ruthlessly…

  “I have…to leave that…man alone,” she panted.

  But who was she kidding? She had no plans on that; she couldn’t if she wanted to. So, she simply lay there she would not jump his bones the next time she saw him. He’d called her earlier that night, and they spoke of all sorts of things, things that made her appreciate him all the more. Now, she didn’t trust herself alone with him, not after such wet, sticky, delicious imagery…

  ~***~

  CHAPTER TEN

  Ace swallowed, closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths. Here he was once again, in Dr. Rose’s office, lashing out at the man without reason. Yes, he was mad about the whole damn thing, but it wasn’t Dr. Rose’s fault. The truth was the truth, no sense in trying to color it differently.

  “Can you help me find myself? Am I another unsolved mystery? That would make two then, that I couldn’t settle the score with.”

  “You’ve been trying to settle the score with yourself since you were a little boy, Ace. As far as what will I do to help you find yourself, well, I’m doing that now.”

  “You are angering me. I know,” he sighed and ran his hand across his forehead as if trying to swipe away sweat, “I know that this is to help me, not hurt me. I know you’re on my side, but you are purposefully upsetting me right now. I don’t mess with people unless they mess with me, or someone I care about. I keep to my goddamn self. Why would you try to provoke me like this? How in the hell can this possibly help me?” He wrestled with the lint in his pocket until he traced the tip of his lighter with his fingertips in a gentle, loving caress, like a kiss to a cheek.

  “You are becoming combative because that is how you deal with adversity. This is how you react when things don’t go your way, when you are pushed into a wall. Now you tell me, right now,” his brows furrowed, Dr. Rose pushed his index finger into his desk, “why have you pushed those that you loved away, and have you ever had a meaningful, successful relationship with a woman before that went beyond sex?”

  Not this again. The conversation picked up right where they’d left off the previous week.

  Ace glared at the man for a long while. His panting short and choppy, he took a moment to catch his breath. The whole conversation was leaving him emotionally winded. “I keep pushing people away, because…” He swallowed and ran his hand over his chest. He felt a bit dramatic, but his heart was hurting, like a mild heart attack was taking place deep within him. “Because I want to help people, but from a distance. I don’t like people getting too close to me. I realize now, I can’t have it both ways. I can’t get what I want, what I need, and still keep people at arm’s reach.”

  “And?”

  “Now, I think I want something else, Dr. Rose. I want this woman to get close to me…I want her to feel okay, to feel safe. I’ve been speaking to her, opening myself to her, a part of me anyway. I want to tell her the truth before this goes too far. I want to see her, get to know her. She is the type of woman I want to invest that time with and no, I haven’t felt this way about anyone else before. I’ve been in love a couple times before though. I’m not afraid to fall in love, that’s not it.”

  “…But you are afraid to stay there…”

  Ace nodded in agreement. He took a moment to
collect his thoughts. “Yes, I’d have to agree with that.” He sat a bit straighter. “I don’t like being that way, though. I don’t want to be that way anymore.”

  Dr. Rose nodded. “When was the last time you ran away from it?”

  “There was this one woman I had met when I was twenty-five. She was beautiful, you know?” He licked his lips and leaned forward. “She was a manager at this coffee shop I used to go to, over on the west side of town. I had a client with company offices in that area, so I’d stop in there after the visits. I would flirt with her. My objective at the time was just to go out with her, maybe sleep with her, maybe remain friends after that. I never wanted a relationship, ever. I know that sounds bad, but it’s true. If it happened, it happened, but it wasn’t something I actually sought out. I’ll admit that.”

  Dr. Rose nodded and continued to listen.

  “But then, I realized I’d fallen in love with her. It was a messed up situation. Instead of being happy about it, I felt livid, like I had been tricked or some shit.” He laughed grimly. “I loved that woman very much, but I wouldn’t let her get too close. Spent two years with her... My attitude ended up causing us to break up.” He scratched his scalp, digging deep, rearing to somehow hurt himself. “She was a good woman, but she deserved better...”

  “You said some time ago that you had trust issues, and you mentioned women as far as the lack of trust. Where do you think that stemmed from?”

  “Because I’ve seen the sneaky things they do to their husbands and boyfriends. The male cheaters, quite honestly, were usually stupid. The women…” He shook his head and clasped his hands together. “Cunning creatures. It always takes me longer to get the goods on a chick. She goes through great extremes to cover her dirty tracks.”

  “Her? You say it like you are thinking of someone in particular?”

  “Nope, just lumping them all together, unfairly.” He laughed lightly. “I know that not all women are cheaters and liars and all that other shit we throw at people we consider to be scumbags. When it comes to dating and playing games, we are worse, because we do it more often, but women do it better…I have both respect and dislike for that sort of foul behavior. Some of the shit I’ve seen is just unbelievable and let’s not forget, I was dropped off on church steps by my biological mother...and she got away with it.”